End of an Era

I wrote a while ago about coming of age issues with my kids.  We 'celebrate' the milestones differently.  And you'd think after 21 years, we'd be used to having the rug pulled out from under us.

It's happened again, and we didn't see it coming.  We never do.

FTD is at the Vocational HS.  He put in 4 years at the academic HS,  and as well as grades K-12, he attended the pre-kindergarten and 2 years of special needs pre-school.  In the state of Ohio, a child can stay in public school until the day before his/her 22nd birthday.  We've taken the position that it's a safe environment and they might actually learn something.  Children with special needs are usually pushed out of the system asap by staff and administrators, because of the cost of educating and transporting these children.  We pushed to keep them in public school, despite of all the heartaches that sending them to school creates. We fought battles at every, and I do mean every, step.  We thought our plan would be to let FTD stay one more semester at the Voc HS.  His birthday is early February, so he could get one more complete semester in.

Not gunna happen.  I should have figured something was up, when 2 people I didn't know showed up at FTD's IEP (Individualized Educational Plan) meeting.  Shoulda known. You'd think I'd have learned this by now... after attending more than 20 of these meetings for FTD and 20 for DD.  But no.  I ended up being blindsided yet again.

One of the newbies at this meeting was apparently assigned the role of "You be the one to tell her."  Tell her that they don't actually have a place for him next year.  Nothing to teach him.  Nothing for him to do, except babysit him.  Her words.  I've often said that school has often been nothing more than glorified babysitting but to hear it from the other side of the table was pretty sad.  She couched her info, under the guise of things like, 'You know he's way older than the other students," and "He's not really interested in his classes" and other junk.  Duh.  He was at the meeting and he clearly, and with out hesitation said, "Well, if it was something I liked it would be interesting."  Sadly, they had no program for something he likes.  They wouldn't let him in the Transition-to-Work program because he'd only be here for a semester and that wouldn't work.  Wha??? The why weren't they doing that for him this semester?  Because last year when he was in the supposed Jobs Training Program the only thing he learned is that they don't like his hair or beard.  Jeezus-f-ing-.....  Seriously?  That's the only thing you could see in my son?  Really????  They didn't look very hard. And apparently they decided not to look this year.

I don't feel we've wasted the last two years, but we surely didn't get anything but a safe place to exist.

I don't want a life of mere existence for my children.  I want them to live.

Now what?

Our caseworker from the county board of developmental disabilities was there with us.  He and our other caseworkers have sort of hinted around that they didn't think much of public education for children with special needs.  They hear the griping all day long from parents.  But I'm an educator.  I wasn't ready to give up.  I am now.  And good riddance.

Without our permission, the newbie at the meeting contacted the Ohio Bureau of Vocational Rehabilitation (talk about a crappy name) to get FTD enrolled in that program.  We met with a caseworker there when he turned 18, and it was pretty dismal.  The person we met did nothing to make us feel like we were making a good choice or that this would be a good thing.  So I'm treading pretty lightly now.  Donn assures us that things will go better this time.  Lord I hope so.

So the upshot is that on May 17, my older son will be done~~forever~~with public education.  The end of a very long and very trying era.

From day one at school, we've held fast to the same goals for him.
1.  To be polite.
2.  To have friends.
3.  To be treated with dignity.

Have we met these goals? He is polite. Very polite.

He has two friends and feels that's plenty.

I don't know if he's been treated with dignity or not at school.  I know his fourth grade teacher did.  His pre-school teacher did.  His HS Science and Ind. Tech teachers did.  His grade school music teacher did.  Beyond that, I have doubts. 

I won't be here for his last day of school.  I could pull him now, and spend many more precious minutes with him before I go.  He still wants to stay here this summer, and we're now working furiously to find a room mate for him, in addition to his caregiver from the Board of DD.  The newbie woman asked at the meeting if he wanted to 'bother' to attend the Senior recognition day.  To bother to attend?  Jeezus, lady....  She'll think of some kind of 'certificate' they can give him.  Crap, lady he earned~~earned!!~~ a high school diploma!!! I'm so tempted to just say his last day will be May 4th, then DD and I can leave on Monday for Yellowstone, and get set up well before I have to report for duty.  And he can start the next chapter of his life, too.

Have I ever mentioned that having children with special needs means we're in a permanent state of grief? There are moments of joy, like watching DD at his party this weekend. But those moments are few and far between.  I hear parents with typically developing kids who worry about drugs, alcohol, and sex.  That would truly suck, too.  Maybe being a parent is mostly about worrying.  Oughta be a better system.....  maybe when I'm Queen of the World, I'll figure it out.

Six Weeks and Counting

Yesterday, Friday, was on of those days.

We have rescheduled FTD's IEP (Individualized Educational Plan) meeting 3 times--there were big, bad snowstorms canceling the first two dates we picked. That's always a fun time. NOT. He's at the cool new regional vocational HS this year, and we had high hopes. Don't any more.
FTD is definitely not working to capacity. We get that. But who works full tilt cleaning restrooms anyway? Especially since we were told when he was being tested/admitted that he'd likely get to work in the computer/drafting areas for at least part of his day. Unfortunately, his teacher is so fixated on his scruffy beard that she didn't/wouldn't/couldn't get him into any other programs. I'm pretty sure she didn't try. How many times did we need to ask????? Oh, wait. . . . after having FTD in public school for 16 years. . . I know the answer to that. Once again we are frustrated to the point of pulling out our hair. We might just pull him from school altogether and let the chips fall where they may. He will soon be eligible for waiver options, assuming our moron of a governor doesn't cut the funding for that program also. We're currently looking for Certified Waiver Providers, so if you know any, let us know. I have the list of everyone in Lucas County Ohio who is certified, but they are all strangers to us.



Meanwhile, back at the ranch . . .
And in the exciting yet alarming news, I got a note from my boss.

Good news: I can start working on May 8. Good news for my pocketbook, a wee bit tough on the family.

More good news is that we'll have 8 rangers again this year--with NO barricade duty! That means rove time and maybe a second ranger at the WYVIC during the day when we are 15 families deep at the desk. The bad news: Three of our four rockin'est rangers won't be back. Dr. D. is going to do wildlife jams all summer (which surprises me immensely), Carol has decided to retire, and so did Bob. Holy cow, talk about loss of institutional memory! These three folks are truly awesome rangers/naturalists/historians/humans. I shall miss each of them soooooo much! And the Divine Miss M is going to work the gate in the summer, then interp in the winter. (NPS has this wacky rule about a person can't work 2 seasons in a year in the same division/area. When that happens, folks become full-time employees. God forbid. So if you want to work year-round for NPS and you don't have perm-full-time status, you have to work in two different parks or two different divisions. In the case of YNP, you can work in different regions of the park, us being so dang big and all. The up shot is that you can work nearly full-time, but you don't get the bennies. Yeah, it sucks.) So all of our staff changes mean . . . . wait for it . . . . . I'll be the one with the most NPS years at Madison, as well as the most overall environmental education experience or any any other work experience. Hell, I've got more experience in total than the other guys put together. Scary, eh? This will be my 6th NPS season. (Which I think fails to register with a lot of folks.) Any who, Dr. Pi will be back, along with DM.

On the more good news front, B&L, the mostest awesomeest NPS volunteers will be back at Mad. They had talked about working at West, but I'm soooo glad they'll be at Mad. (They woulda been bored silly at West, honestly.) And we'll get last years WYVIC volunteer at Mad. Boy, is he in for a surprise! While we have a short afternoon lull at WYVIC, there are no lulls at Mad. (Bring it on!)

So this presents the annual question: Where will the Duv's live? Last year, 4 of our rangers had their own housing, leaving 4 of us in apartments. This year, all 8 of us need apartments. Our apartment has had two unrelated rangers living there some years. Oh crap. My boss asked if we could scrunch into the one BR place, and the answer is no, there's no way we can. Oh crap. Now what?

T-Minus 6 Days and Life Interupts

The good news: We'll have plenty of room in the cargo trailer. The bad news, a really tough school decision looms again.

For a couple of years, DD has said that he wants to go to Penta Career Center, the local vocational high school. As an added bonus, they've moved into a beautiful, amazing new building with all the coolest new stuff. DH and I thought we knew that the programs were all about. Last week we met with reps there and started being able to read, or listen, between the lines.

Kids in with disabilities are usually entered into the "Skills Center" where they learn "job skills." What we didn't pick up in our other conversations is that the kids in these programs aren't exposed to much in academics, or in particular careers. It's more a matter of finding a task that the child is capable of doing, not really picking up career skills.

First, remember my posts about parents of kids with special needs being in a constant state of grieving. Here we go again. We understand and recognize that our kids will probably never be rocket surgeons. Or brain scientists, either. But we still hold out hope that they will be able to find jobs with a higher level of skills. All parents want that for their kids. But now that we're nearing the cusp of adulthood, we're becoming painfully aware that even if we push and shove our kids to do more, they will never be 'fully employed.' Ever. So why do we worry about it? Why don't we just let them relax and enjoy the pleasures they do find in life? Why do we think our kids will be able to find jobs when there are plenty of able bodied and able minded folks out there? But even knowing that, we now hope that DD can stay at AW another year, so he can have another shot at picking up some academic skills.

Selling this idea to him will be tricky. Really, really tricky. I think--I hope--that if the teachers he loves at school pitch the idea to him, he might go for it. They'll have to be completely sincere and fully believe that it's the right thing for him. I've only been mulling this idea over for about 24 hours, but the more I think about it, the more comfortable I am with it. If only. . . .

A Rock and A Hard Place

Having kids with special needs means our lives don't follow anything that vaguely resembles a normal schedule. There is no typical path for us to follow--you know, high school, then college or a gap year then college, then jobs, marriage, family. . .

We have to keep our kids in school somehow until they turn 22, because they won't be covered under DH's health insurance. Yes, they are both eligible for Medicaid, and we do use some of the services available to us from Medicaid, but we still prefer they be on our insurance. (For example, their psychiatrist isn't a Medicaid provider so who knows who we'd end up with--and our guy has been with us for over 10 years.) Neither of the boys will have a great deal of success in a college setting. Despite advances in support for kids with disabilities in colleges, I don't see it happening for our kids. They will forever be in minimum wage jobs, doing something they really don't like. I've mentioned before that being a parent of special needs kids means being in a constant state of grieving and here it is again.

FTD has now been accepted into the Job Skills program at the area 5 county vocational high school. Next summer, and yes I do mean next summer--August 18, which is utterly stupid, he'll start there. He honestly believes he'll be taking at least one or two drafting classes, which he loved at his current HS, but what he'll really be doing is cleaning and sorting and stuff like that in various businesses around town. I truly am thankful that there are programs like this for kids. But it utterly and completely breaks my heart that it's MY kid who needs it.

Part of me just wants to tell the schools to shove it, and to keep him home where I can love him and care for him and tuck him into bed every night. We could chuck all this school schedule crap and get him a part-time job at YNP again like he did last summer. The safety net is there for him, and we'll be able to provide financially also, so why do I put all of us through the torture that schools present? And why do I have this gut feeling that in the long run it won't make one damn itty bitty bit of difference.