Saturday, December 1, 2012

Decorating Yooper Style and My First On-line Tut!

I read several blogs by Mommy bloggers.  They make a little money blogging, which is cool, and they write ebooks, which is also cool.  I love reading the Mormon Mommy blogs.  It's nice to know that there are still folks out there living their faith, no matter which one it is. Journaling has always been a part of the LDS tradition, and it's cool that the younger kids have adapted by blogging.  But come on, how many sweet stories, fabulous quilt projects, and to-die-for desserts can I read about?

I read nature blogs.  Mostly by birders and travelers, with some cool botany sites thrown in for good measure.  Most of these are quiet, thoughtful, and serene.  Which is nice.  (But one of my fav's is  Bourbon, Bastards, and Birds.   Yeah, you heard me.  Steve, the ranking self-proclaimed #7  Birder in the world, throws in a healthy dose of total disrespect of all sorts of crap.  I, by the way, am the self-proclaimed World's Laziest Birder.)

I also read lots of quilting blogs.  I really enjoy the ones by people who are just plain ol' folks like me who aren't promoting their latest book or fabric line. Just folks who like to make stuff when they can.

I love my fellow Ranger blogs the bestest.  But we tend to get yelled at about blogging. Go figure.

So bring on the Wacky Moms-who-are-not-the-Mormon-Mommy Bloggers. Like many, they are well educated and for whatever reason, staying home for the child-rearing duration.  And nuts as hell.  Instead of having the 4:00 Betty Ford cocktail to try to stay sane, they are blogging.  Are they ever. Kinda why I do it, but I've also developed a taste for the 4:00 BF cocktail. One of these days, I'll add a few of these folks to my side-bar reading list, if I can remember how to do that.  But you might check out the Under-achievers Guide and People I Want to Punch in the Throat for a taste of what I'm taking about.  They know where you can stick that Elf on the Shelf.  And it ain't the shelf.

So in honor of these nutty women, I present to you my First Tut.  (For those of you reading a blog for the first time, a Tut is a Tutorial.  Please pronounce it Toot in your head.)

Instead of reading something worthwhile, or making delicious and nutritious food for my family, I've been screwing around, trying to give our loverly home that Yooper look. (You do know that the Upper Peninsula of Michigan is called the U.P., eh?  Say that out loud. . . . Yoop, residents of which are called Yoopers.  Everyone who lives in the lower Peninsula is referred to as a Troll, since they live below The Bridge.  Sadly, we are trolls and Yooper-wannabes.)

Da Bridge, eh.

Anywho, this year I'm going with the PoorWhiteTrash look for our winter outdoor decorations.  Okay, not quite true, I'm refining the Yooper look--which includes as much black and red buffalo check as I can find.

A Tut by Ranger Anna

Here's how you, too, can have this great, festive look for your home! Just 5 easy, peasy steps!

Step 1. Say to yourself,  "The front porch looks like shit this year.  Especially the ugly couch thing."

Step 2.  Go to a store and find some buffalo check ribbon. (My heart nearly lept with joy when I saw it!  How pathetic is that?  Or is it more pathetic that someone thought it up?  I bought a ton of it, and didn't even look for coupons.)  Post on Pinterest about your fabulous find!

Blatant shout out to the company that makes this stuff!  God Bless 'em.

Step 3.  Dig your HoAnne's coupons out the the recycle bin and carefully read thru them.

Step 3.  Drive 15 miles to your nearest store only to find that they haven't had any checked polar fleece in the store since August. Buy a whole bolt of red polar fleece and half a bolt of black instead. Use those half-off coupons! Drive home, enjoying a bunch of the festive candy that was staring you in the face in the check-out aisle.  Oh, those devilish merchandisers!

Step 4. Carefully cut the fabric, measuring accurately in your beautiful crafty corner.  Or just slap it on your kid's bed and slice it up.  Carefully fold the fabric and take it to the porch.  Wrap the cushions with the red fleece and create delightful stripes with the black strips.

Step 5.  Voila!  A guaranteed to be fabulous, jaw-dropping Christmas display!  All 15 of the cars that drive down your street each day will love it!  (And check your supply of explanation marks to be sure you have enough to finish!!!)

And don't forget to feed your snowman!  He looks tired after being all inflated and proud of himself for several hours last night...poor little guy...maybe the Elf on the Shelf could give him a little something to make the days more bearable!

How's your holiday decorating going?  Mine goes on until Valentine's Day!  I'd have a linky party if I knew what the hell that is! How adorable is that?  Leave me a comment and I'll read it or not!


  1. I don't do much Christmas decorating. One tiny tree is all the RV will handle and it's packed away somewhere. Porch thingys look nice in red and black. But I really like your red and black Pendleton.

    I have NEVER been told not to blog from my Ranger voice.

  2. You are waaaaay more ambitious than I am! My idea of Christmas decorating (which I haven't even done yet) is the 10 seconds it takes to plop a few car-magnet-type clings onto my mailbox and metal front door. That may even be a step down from Yooper. ;)

  3. You're one of my favorite bloggers - feel like I hit the blogger lotto what with the tut thrown in. Fb me your mailing address and I'll send you a little something to add to your yooper decor :-)

  4. Looks like that Yooper snowman needs a 4:00 BF cocktail pronto.

  5. Looks fantastic. I love your solution to the no checked fleece problem.