Decorating Yooper Style and My First On-line Tut!

I read several blogs by Mommy bloggers.  They make a little money blogging, which is cool, and they write ebooks, which is also cool.  I love reading the Mormon Mommy blogs.  It's nice to know that there are still folks out there living their faith, no matter which one it is. Journaling has always been a part of the LDS tradition, and it's cool that the younger kids have adapted by blogging.  But come on, how many sweet stories, fabulous quilt projects, and to-die-for desserts can I read about?

I read nature blogs.  Mostly by birders and travelers, with some cool botany sites thrown in for good measure.  Most of these are quiet, thoughtful, and serene.  Which is nice.  (But one of my fav's is  Bourbon, Bastards, and Birds.   Yeah, you heard me.  Steve, the ranking self-proclaimed #7  Birder in the world, throws in a healthy dose of total disrespect of all sorts of crap.  I, by the way, am the self-proclaimed World's Laziest Birder.)

I also read lots of quilting blogs.  I really enjoy the ones by people who are just plain ol' folks like me who aren't promoting their latest book or fabric line. Just folks who like to make stuff when they can.

I love my fellow Ranger blogs the bestest.  But we tend to get yelled at about blogging. Go figure.

So bring on the Wacky Moms-who-are-not-the-Mormon-Mommy Bloggers. Like many, they are well educated and for whatever reason, staying home for the child-rearing duration.  And nuts as hell.  Instead of having the 4:00 Betty Ford cocktail to try to stay sane, they are blogging.  Are they ever. Kinda why I do it, but I've also developed a taste for the 4:00 BF cocktail. One of these days, I'll add a few of these folks to my side-bar reading list, if I can remember how to do that.  But you might check out the Under-achievers Guide and People I Want to Punch in the Throat for a taste of what I'm taking about.  They know where you can stick that Elf on the Shelf.  And it ain't the shelf.

So in honor of these nutty women, I present to you my First Tut.  (For those of you reading a blog for the first time, a Tut is a Tutorial.  Please pronounce it Toot in your head.)

Instead of reading something worthwhile, or making delicious and nutritious food for my family, I've been screwing around, trying to give our loverly home that Yooper look. (You do know that the Upper Peninsula of Michigan is called the U.P., eh?  Say that out loud. . . . Yoop, residents of which are called Yoopers.  Everyone who lives in the lower Peninsula is referred to as a Troll, since they live below The Bridge.  Sadly, we are trolls and Yooper-wannabes.)

Da Bridge, eh.

Anywho, this year I'm going with the PoorWhiteTrash look for our winter outdoor decorations.  Okay, not quite true, I'm refining the Yooper look--which includes as much black and red buffalo check as I can find.

A Tut by Ranger Anna

Here's how you, too, can have this great, festive look for your home! Just 5 easy, peasy steps!

Step 1. Say to yourself,  "The front porch looks like shit this year.  Especially the ugly couch thing."

Step 2.  Go to a store and find some buffalo check ribbon. (My heart nearly lept with joy when I saw it!  How pathetic is that?  Or is it more pathetic that someone thought it up?  I bought a ton of it, and didn't even look for coupons.)  Post on Pinterest about your fabulous find!

Blatant shout out to the company that makes this stuff!  God Bless 'em.

Step 3.  Dig your HoAnne's coupons out the the recycle bin and carefully read thru them.

Step 3.  Drive 15 miles to your nearest store only to find that they haven't had any checked polar fleece in the store since August. Buy a whole bolt of red polar fleece and half a bolt of black instead. Use those half-off coupons! Drive home, enjoying a bunch of the festive candy that was staring you in the face in the check-out aisle.  Oh, those devilish merchandisers!

Step 4. Carefully cut the fabric, measuring accurately in your beautiful crafty corner.  Or just slap it on your kid's bed and slice it up.  Carefully fold the fabric and take it to the porch.  Wrap the cushions with the red fleece and create delightful stripes with the black strips.

Step 5.  Voila!  A guaranteed to be fabulous, jaw-dropping Christmas display!  All 15 of the cars that drive down your street each day will love it!  (And check your supply of explanation marks to be sure you have enough to finish!!!)

 

And don't forget to feed your snowman!  He looks tired after being all inflated and proud of himself for several hours last night...poor little guy...maybe the Elf on the Shelf could give him a little something to make the days more bearable!

How's your holiday decorating going?  Mine goes on until Valentine's Day!  I'd have a linky party if I knew what the hell that is! How adorable is that?  Leave me a comment and I'll read it or not!

Who is Ranger Anna?

Okay, I'll play.

I've been reading a couple-a blogs where the blogger lets the bloggees know a little bit more about herself.  And since I've got no original or even vaguely interesting thoughts or projects right now, here goes.

Sitting on a dock in the bay..... okay, it was really a boat in a fjord.  I have a ski-slope for a chin.  

1. I'm a mid-western girl thru and thru. Actually, I'm really a Great Lakes girl.  I totally wrap myself in the sturdy mid-western values (think Prairie Home Companion here), and I need my Big Water Fix on a regular basis.  If you haven't stood on the shores of a Great Lake, you haven't been in touch with the 75 percent of you that is water.

Did you know that the Mighty Maumee River is the largest watershed of any of the Great Lakes?  Now ya do.

I'm Heinz 57 American.   My Dad was born and raised in Toledo, and his Mom was from West-by-God.  His Dad's roots remain a mystery, despite my Sis and BIL working their fingers to the bone trying to find something about the guy. Zip. Zilch. Nada.  And since he worked for the B&O Railroad, there should be records, but there ain't.  Hmmmmm...... WITSEC?

My Mom was born and raised on an island in the Tampa Bay.  Did you hear my use my Florida accent when I said that?  She was a very head-strong and determined young lady, which explains a lot about me.  Did I ever write about my 'rents WWII work?  Remind me to do that next week, if I didn't already write about it.  Anywho, I spent my first and only vacations as kid on the beach at Indian Rocks, Fla.  So I have a hefty amount of salt-water in my veins, too.  Oh, wait a minute..... Well, you get my drift.

Terra Ciea use-ta be a real island.  Not no more.

2.  I'm a mom.  Dang that's hard work.  I have the world's greatest step-daughter.  A mere technicality in my opinion, since she lived with her Dad and then her Dad and me for the majority of her growing up years.  I think of her as my daughter. We had rocky times (due to the insanity of her birth mother), but now we be bffs.  Yea.  See side bar for cutest pic evah of her and my darling SIL.

I have two sons.  Both adopted.  Both have autism.  I write about them a lot.  Things are very, very rocky with one of them right now, which has me plunged back into that perpetual state of grief where parents of kids with special needs always live.  I've said before that it never goes away, cuz it don't. See sidebar for pics of Thing One and Thing Two.

3.  I'm a wife.  Hardest job ever.  Sharing your life with someone opens you up for all sorts of stuff--the good, the bad, and the ugly.  My DH is 14 years older than me.  I fell in love with the big jerk before I figured this out, and by then it was too late.   But who can resist a guy in uniform?  It was dang near love at first phone call.  See side bar for DH doing his thang.  He's silly.  A 72 year old fart, masquerading as a 12 year old.  Oh, and he's lost 40 lbs since that pic was taken.  I'm so proud of him!  Sadly, I found most of that poundage.  Damn this middle-aged business!!

3.  I have two useless Master's Degrees.  I earned them in 2 years.  Yep, over-achiever all the way.  See note about my Mom.  I went to a small, Presbyterian liberal arts college called Alma College.  I may be unemployed, but I can take on any topic at a cocktail party.  I loved Alma.  Still do.  If anything horrid were to happen to my DH, I'd move back to AC in a heart beat.

My B.A. is Environmental Education~~Majors in Nat. Sci (a group major so I had to take 2 more classes than a plain 'ol major) and El. Ed, and minors in Sociology and 2ndary Ed..  See note about my Mom.

4.  I love to organize stuff.  Big events.  The bigger the better.  Just do what I tell you to do, and it will work out fine is my organizing philosophy.  Committees usually suck (which is blasphemous for a Presbyterian to say, we invented the evil things.  Sort of a self-abuse thing we do),  so I try to avoid them at all costs.  By the by, my next really Big Event is Whitehouse Winterfest in Feb.. Oh, yeah, you'll be hearing a lot about that.

5.  Crap.  Can't think of anything else.  Oh, yeah, there is that ranger business, but I'm not s'posed to write about that.  Hells bells.

I'm so freakin' iconographic.

Well, there you have it.  And last but not least, I'm the World's Laziest Birder.

You're it.