The Elder Aunties of My Tribe

Many American Native cultures celebrate and revere the "Elder Aunties of the Tribe." These women are considered to be the Wise Ones, the gentle ones, the strong ones. Maybe it's simply because they just physically outlast men, but I like to think it's because they carry so much within them. Men and boys take care of problems and joys in the here and now. They beat the crap out of each other, and then it's over. They get drunk and rowdy with each other, then go back to work. Women don't operate that way. We ponder. We wonder. We do act out of impulsive anger and joy, but not usually the way the guys do.

My Mom was one of those women--and interestingly, so was my Dad. Both kind souls, who could say nary a bad thing about anyone. They just took care of those bad people in their own devastating ways. You didn't want to be on the receiving end of one of their 'campaigns.' They got the things done that had to be done, and didn't sweat the small stuff.

But I've been thinking the past couple of days, as I do 'wimens' work (arg) about the Elder Aunties in my Tribe. My Mom had 5 sisters, all of who lived in the south. Mom moved north after the war and saw that there was a whole 'nuther world out there and she loved it. A world where black women could be serve in the Army with her, where women could be involved in politics, where churches didn't preach hate and fire and brimstone, but peace and justice. Dad had one sister, who, although I saw her every Sunday, was more of a ghost in my life. She was sort of here and sort of not. Although my relations, not my Elder Aunties.

I knew that my Elder Aunties were out there, but I didn't know it at the time. (Yeah, that's what I meant to say.) So here's a shout out to my Elder Aunties:

My best friend in Perrysburg was Sue B.. Her Mom and Dad were a full 10 years younger than my folks, which amazed me at the time. We all went to Church together. Susie didn't have a sister, just 3 brothers, all really nice guys. She and her Mom were really close. They welcomed me into their circle. How I loved them for that then, and still do now, even though I haven't seen either since Susie's Dad died several years ago. Mrs. B. lives near here somewhere. Just knowing that makes me feel better.

My bestest friend is Ginny. We met at Church camp about 1964. She lived in Van Wert, Ohio then moved to Farmington, Michigan. There were 5 or 6 of us kids who grew up with each other this way--the Cool Studs. We saw each other once a year for five years. We were pen pals. What fun for us. I hope kids today enjoy their e-pals as much as we did. By the time we reached high school we decided that once a year wasn't enough and convinced the camp staff to let us celebrate the New Year at camp, which we did. Then we learned to drive and were able to see each other more often. We went to each other's sports events and plays, proms and homecomings. We visited each other's colleges after that. Most of us kept in touch in a vague sort of way, but Ginny and I remain very close. We married within a year of each other, our kids are close to the same ages, and no matter how long its been since we've seen each other, we pick right up. As I reflect back, I realize that Ginny's Mom is also one of my Elder Aunties. I'd breeze into their house every few months and was one of her kids. Just like that. The lessons she taught Ginny, were lessons that reflected back to me. Thanks, Mom Perry. Love you.

There were others. . . .the wife of my college mentor, Mrs. Kapp. She taught us gracefulness and the true meaning of hospitality, with just a couple of contacts each year. Several women at my Church in Perrysburg--getting things done and doing them with grace and poise and clarity of purpose. When I worked for the Girl Scouts, I was all of 24 years old, trying to lead women 20 years my senior who were already moms. Several of them chewed me out constantly--nothing I ever did was right because "that's not the way we do it." But for every one of the crabs, there were half a dozen women who smiled, gave me that wise nod, and stood by me. Thanks, girls.

I so hope I will be remembered as one of the Elder Aunties. I know its a role I seek, but realize its a title I have to earn. Maybe someday.