Rituals and Rites of Passage

It's been a day of both for me--working on the rituals associated with my niece's upcoming wedding celebration, then watching as my son's childhood friends climb in the car together to drive themselves home.

My sons will never drive--at least 'not never' in the near future. FTD, the older, has utterly no interest in even trying. I keep trying to convince him that he should at least have a clue how it's done. We have plenty of big empty parking lots around, but nope, he just doesn't want to try it. If I push him hard enough I can get him to go out and start the car for me. DD, the younger, would drive in a heart beat if we let him. But his impulsiveness is just so over the top that car keys and DD simply aren't a good mix. He's super careful on the tractor, and when he uses the driving mower he hoots and hollers like he's the Dukes of Hazard--very funny. I don't think he knows we can hear him.

But my sons getting those car keys is one of the rites of passage they will miss. And so will we.


My niece's situation is tenuous at best. The wedding celebration is scheduled for Saturday. Her beau is still in Texas and literally might not make it back up here. This has been the story of their lives--individually and collectively. The only thing the Elder Aunties of this tribe can do is be there when she finally makes decisions--the good ones and the bad ones. She so wants the princess wedding of which little girls dream, but decisions made many years ago come in to play now.

I'm one of those old fashioned girls who believes in the power and dignity of ritual. There's a comfort in ritual, including that nod to those who came before us and a thank you to those who love and support us now. Lots of folks poo-poo the ritual. They were often either "subjected" to it ad nausuem, or never exposed to any at all. Unless one has been through the ritual, it's hard to explain why one often feels "changed" after wards. I remember not a thing from the day of my wedding, but knowing that my friends and family were there for me through the process and on that day is sometimes the only thing that keeps me going. Bat Mitzvahs, confirmations, Cinco de Mayos, cotillions, graduations, ordinations, Courts of Honor, baptisms, first day of kindergarten pictures, weddings, funerals, handing over the car keys for the first time--all important rituals. All important rites of passage.

I grieve for my sons--knowing that they will miss many of the rituals of life. It makes it so much more poignant to me that those who are able to partake of the rites appreciate that they have these opportunities. Don't waste them, dear friends, don't waste them.